A routine 16 week check-up yesterday, didn't quite go as we had hoped. After the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, we were sent to the ultrasound clinic and sadly the baby we were so excited for, was no longer with us. After a long day of emotional ups and downs, texts and phone calls, we are feeling pretty at peace today. I do have to begin the labor and delivery process tomorrow and we are hoping things are done quickly and quietly.
I think if this experience has taught me anything, it is to have faith, courage, understanding and acceptance to the will of nature and our Father in Heaven. Jason and I have spoke often since finding out, that we are grateful this happened earlier in the pregnancy than later on. We didn't know the sex of the baby, I hadn't felt it wiggle and so the emotional attachment hadn't truly been established. More or less the hope and excitement for a new child...which I think, will be easier to heal from.
I am not angry for the 10 weeks of morning sickness, upset for already purchasing maternity clothes or even for the unpleasant experience that awaits us tomorrow. Rather, those feelings that I could have are replaced by the intense blessings we call Dawson & Carter. Shortly after returning home from the ultrasound, we sat them down and explained to them that the baby wasn't in mommy's tummy anymore, that it went back to heaven. Dawson of course asked the most questions and then in the blink of an eye- wanted to run downstairs and play Toy Story- begging us to go with him. Kids don't let you feel sorry for yourself for very long and within minutes we were laughing and racing around the game, trying to conquer Zurg.
Although we have been faced with disappointment now, we know we are blessed and other blessings will meet us in the future. We are optimistic, full of hope and know that we are being watched over and cared for. Thank you to the friends, family and neighbors that have brought us treats, meals and hugs. We love you we hope you know how much easier you have made this unfortunate experience.
18 comments:
Amy,
I am sorry for your loss. I had one before Cameron was born. I just wasn't ready to be pregnant, and I know Heavenly Father knew that. I hope you feel better soon, and keep trying for a sweet spirit to join your wonderful family.
We love you
Bonnie
My thoughts and prayers are with you Amy!! My heart aches for you. You are such a strong women and I know you will be comforted in your time of need. I will be thinking of you!!
You are in my thoughts and prayers Amy. You are an amazing woman with an amazing family!
That picture you posted is the picture we put on Kamdyn's headston, I love it and just looking at Jesus holding your baby gives you immediate comfort.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I read that message from halee on FB and I hope that didn't mean this sad news. :( I truly hope and pray you can have continued peace through this tough trial.
Amy, I am so sorry to hear this. You are amazing and strong! I hope you have peace and comfort. We are praying for you!
Oh Amy, I love you. You are smart and so wonderful to view things in the best way you can, and forever you will be blessed by this experience and your faith. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and testimony with us.
amy, I am so sorry to hear this! You are an amazing person with a great outlook on life. You are an inspiration and a wonderful example. You are in my prayers!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It makes me want to cry with you. I am so glad you have two wonderful boys, who wont let you feel sorry for yourself. God Bless you and hang on to your faith.
I am so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my prayers. And it's so true...kids don't let you think about yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss. It breaks my heart to know that you have to have this trial in your life. I love you and know that our Heavenly Father does too. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
We love you Amy! I am so amazed by the grace and acceptance you have shown! You guys are truly amazing and we are here for you. We love you guys and are keeping your in our prayers. We love and appreciate all you do for us! If you ever need someone to talk to I am always just a phone call away. I would love to talk because I love talking with you! :)
We are so sorry to hear about your loss. Please know we are thinking about you and you are in our prayers.
You are such an amazing strong person, and I've thought that for as long as I've known you. You will be in my prayers.
Ame! I'm sorry to hear this!! This just breaks my heart! Things like this are never easy, for anyone! Thanks for sharing your testimony... it is what will get you through. Hugs from Wisconsin!!
I am so sorry you are going through this and so impressed with your upbeat attitude and faith. You are such a strong woman, I am truly inspired by you. You and your family will be in my prayers and I know you will get through this. I am here for you, whatever you need. Love you!
You two are incredible! You all are in our thoughts & prayers! Please let us know if you need anything...you're really not far away!!
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I have lost 4 now. The last one was a few days ago. While I haven't had to go through delivering one knowing it was gone, I did deliver an eleven weeker at my parents' house right after hearing the heartbeat. It is something no woman should have to experience. You are so strong. Hang in there and know you are loved. You will be in my prayers.
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