Healing hearts!

Lots of my friends and some of my family have asked about the experience on Wednesday. I feel like it is better to talk about it, rather than bottle it up. I've also felt that by talking about it, we heal. Others heal. And time sweetly takes the sting of the reality away. (Just a disclaimer-We haven't told Dawson that mommy "had" the baby. For all he knows, just knowing that the baby went back to heaven is good enough. In a few years, we will explain it better.)
I woke up early Wednesday morning, hopeful for the Labor & Delivery department to call right away. 9 AM rolled around and we finally heard from them (could have been 5:45 am) So my mom and I headed to Utah Valley Hospital, knowing the procedure would take a few hours...Jason stayed home with Carter until Dawson could be picked up from preschool. Thank You babysitters who watched the boys for the next 7 hours!! The process started out VERY slowly. Because my body still hadn't recognized what was going on, inducing the labor was long and pretty uncomfortable. I laughed, because the nurse asked if I wanted an epidural....I sat there for a minute contemplating this idea and then laughed, and turned it down.

Every 3 hours, the nurse would come in, place a pill, check me and then- we wait. and wait. and wait. My first dose was given at 10:15 am...and by 7:00 pm I still hadn't done anything. For hours we talked, watched a movie in the delivery room, ate candy and made fun of the hospital food I didn't touch. My nurse was fantastic- she took such great care of me...took time to get to know us and chatted for a few minutes to help pass the time. Finally her shift ended at 6 pm and my new nurse came on. She was so nice as well. Very informative and wanted to make sure I was comfortable...which I wasn't! Once the last dose of the pill was placed, she called the doc.

Dr. Nance is fabulous!Around 7:30 pm he entered the room again, gave me a quick hug and then started to help this little, tiny, child make its final move into the world. It was very fast. Painless. and peaceful. He asked if I wanted to look at him and Jason and I said, "yes." We could not believe how small and perfect he was. Our eyes filled up with tears, not because we were sad, necessarily, but because of the spirit that resided in that room. It was incredible. I asked if you could see the sex of the baby and he quickly responded "A little tiny boy."

The days leading up to the delivery seem like a blur to me. Jason and I had discussed numerous times that we didn't feel like we had an emotional connection with the baby and that we didn't feel like he had a spirit inside of his body. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not the expert on any of this- but after we saw his tiny form resting peacefully in our hands...we know there is a spirit on the other side, waiting for another chance to have a body. We have been so strengthened by the miracles that our Heavenly Father is capable of creating. We are in awe of the miracles that mothers are capable of creating. We also know the sweet mercy that has entered our lives and will forever be changed because of him. If his only purpose was for us to gain a closer relationship with our Savior, then his mission was fulfilled.