Bittersweet Day

I'm not usually a sentimental, gushy, cooshie, person. Just ask Jason. But today I woke up and remembered that the date March 15th had some significance in my life recently. Today was the calculated due date of our last baby and pregnancy. Unfortunately, it ended on September 29th, 2010 with a tearful day at the hospital. For some strange reason (mostly cause I'm a worry wort) I felt like I needed to hear THIS baby's heartbeat again today. Call it needed reassurance, nervousness or just plain old heartache, but I just needed to hear it.

I called my doctors office and they were more than happy to have me come in. Within seconds of walking through the doors I was greeted with smiles and hugs from the cutest lady in the world, Merilyn. She immediately put me at ease and got me into an exam room. Doctor Nance came in and told me it was normal to feel what I was feeling, due to the recent unpleasantness I'd experienced. As he searched for little ticker, it took a minute or two to find it...which sord of made me freak. He gave me a reassuring smile and said, "Oh, there it is," and then he turned up the volume on the doppler. WHEW!!! I could relax!

I've been feeling a TON better the last few days. Still tired at night, but thats kind of what happened with "Max" (his little code name). My symptoms for the most part disappeared with the miscarriage, but because the placenta was still hosting a baby, the hormones still played tricks on me. I've felt nervous that last couple of days, which I think led to my office visit today.

I just hope and pray a baby comes to our house in Septemeber. Its almost impossible for me not to question or be a little bit worried, but each day I pray and ask Heavenly Father for the comfort to know things will be fine. So...today is bittersweet. Certainly more sweet than bitter. I love heartbeats now. They are the best sound in the entire world.