My Holiday eating guide

Effective: Today!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on.
(tip-Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.)

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. (The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free)

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
(tip-You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.)

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa,
Position yourself near them and don't budge.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Chocolate. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. It will stay with you till next Christmas.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming."