I'm not usually one to share the very personal woes in life. But because this one has caused me to gain weight, break out like a 15 year-old boy and want to sleep way longer than the National Center for Sleep Disorders would recommend...I thought I'd share.
About 14 months ago- Jason and decided to add another member to the Rasmussen crew. I thought it would be so simple because the last 2 kidlets were here without much delay. Much to our surprise- its not happening. With 6 months on our "own" without any luck I decided to seek some guidance from my amazing doctor. Dr. Nance was sympathetic to the situation and discussed some options for us, with the final outcome, 50 mg dose of Clomid. I dont' know if you're familiar with the side effects of this nasty pill- but here a just a few I thought I'd share. For the week leading up to and the week after you get:
- Hot flashes (no need to wait till menopause!)
- Abdominal pain and discomfort (yeah...no joke)
- Weight gain (probably my favorite one of all)
- Mood swings (sorry Jason)
- Nausea and dizziness (love that it acts like your pregnant)
Conclusion? Clomid makes you feel like crap.
For 6 months I endured what I could, without trying to whine too much and on the 7th month, Dr.Nance really wanted to hit the problem head on and upped the dosage to 100 mg per cycle. And still- no bueno.
So! Here we are. Not pregnant. My pants don't fit and I know what a hot flash feels like at 26.
We will try one more month without Clomid (hallelujah), before we start testing for other possible reasons why. I guess more prayers and more *ya know* and hopefully things will swing our way.
Throughout this entire experience, I have learned a few things about my life. Wanna know what they are?? Too bad I'm telling you anyway...
1. I LOVE THE 2 PRECIOUS LITTLE BOYS God has given me, more than anything. I have appreciated them more because there have been moments when I've felt like they were all I was going to have. They make my life worth living and if they are all I get, then I am a blessed mommy!
2. Jason is the most patient man on Earth. He put up with the counting, calendar watching, temperature taking, tears and the "doing work" part of conception, better than he should have. I know it hasn't been the easiest thing to deal with and he has been so supportive and understanding. He never gets upset or gets frustrated like I do. Which is a total blessing, because 1 freak is better than 2.
3. I have to trust the Lord- A LOT MORE. Its been trying on my testimony (just a bit) and I've dug a little deeper in trying to put my faith in God. He knows what I need, when I need it.
3. I have to trust the Lord- A LOT MORE. Its been trying on my testimony (just a bit) and I've dug a little deeper in trying to put my faith in God. He knows what I need, when I need it.
4. My mom is amazing. I've really only shared with her and Jason my inner frustrations and she always knows exactly what to say to calm me down. She never lets me sulk for very long. "Good things come Amy, be patient." She's the first one to say, "diet pepsi?" she knows it doesn't take much to put me in a better mood. I know Jason has done the BEST he can, but I am so thankful I have my sweet mommy to be the woman in my life that continues to guide my life in a positive direction. (tearin up, major, here)
5. When things don't go "your way" My motto in life (that my mom taught me) PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND DEAL WITH IT. So for the next, who knows how long...the panties are on and I can do this.
Thanks for reading my sad, self driven rant. Sometimes you feel better when you can put it all out there. More positive posts on their way, I promise.
5. When things don't go "your way" My motto in life (that my mom taught me) PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON AND DEAL WITH IT. So for the next, who knows how long...the panties are on and I can do this.
Thanks for reading my sad, self driven rant. Sometimes you feel better when you can put it all out there. More positive posts on their way, I promise.
14 comments:
Your post on our blog was amazing. I loved hearing about your problems and concerns in this fashion. Even more amazing I loved hearing how you looked at it and how you have grown.
You are amazing and I know that things will work out and be alright.
Love, Jason
Oh love. Hang in there. This is truthfully something that scares me - not being able to have babies when I'm ready, but your patience is definitely inspiring. It must be so hard, but you've been so optimistic about it. The answers will come :)
Oh, Amy I want to give you a big hug! I'm sorry this is a trial in your life but just know whatever the outcome you are an amazing woman and mother. I have always admired you and am impressed by your positive attitude. I LOVE YOU! My prayers are with you!
Love,
Tina
Oh sweetie you ARE amazing and what a sweet note from your hubby! I love that - "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!" Someone needs to stencil that one on my wall. (No really.) Hang in there and keep up that FAITH!
Amy, I didn’t know you were dealing with all of that! I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that must be to deal with that & still be a mommy & everything else. Hang in there!! And that is SO sweet that Jason was your first comment! You are one lucky woman to have 3 (and many more I'm sure!) amazing boys in your life!
I have to say I look up to you for all that you have been going through. I to hope that this does not continue much longer and there will be another baby rasmussen on the way:) Now that we love you and will do anything if needs be!
Wow! I had no idea you were going through all of this. I'm so sorry about that. We'll add one more prayer to the many.
Amy I am so sorry, I was wondering how it was going just the other day. It's no fun to go through all of that. I remember the hot flashes, the 9 month long head ache, too sleepy to do anything and TOTAL grumpiness that I went through. It is not fun. Let me know what tests you have to take and maybe I can give you some advice that the doctor doesn't include. It's all worth it and it really makes you thankful for what you have, doesn't it? I look back and I wouldn't do anything at all differently. It got us to where we are today. Hang in there, it will happen. Unfortunately, it happens on the Lords time.
Hang in there Amy, I know from experience how frustrating and CONSUMING it is to not be pregnant and have a baby. It will come, stay positive and happy, the best you can anyway. Love ya girl!
I loved this post! I love when we can share our up's as well as our downs. This life is not always rainbows and sunshine, it has its moments of clouds and rain too. But I am glad that you have a strong support system to help you and to stay positive!
I am so sorry and I can 1,000% feel for you. I hated clomid too and thought I was preggers for the first 2 months because I had the same lovely side effects. I finally gave up on them after 8 months too and have gotten pretty low about it. If I am being completely honest I feel that we are done. That we are not supposed to have another one for some reason which is hard to swallow. so after over 3 years we are going to try to "not try as hard" for a few months and see if that will work like people say. I seriously doubt it!
I did hear something very interesting about infertility the other day, Ask your doctor to look at your inselin(sp?) levels. I have a freind that is not diabetic but her levels were so out of wack that it was causing her not to ovulate. After her doc put her on something like Diabetic Medicine she got pregnant after only 2 months. It's something to look into. I can get more details if you want.
But I wish you luck and hope a blessing comes your way soon!!
Hey friend!
You and I have talked about this issue several times and I'm so sorry to hear that you are still having to go through it. Believe me...I can empathize with you, having gone through very similar experiences. You can do it! Keep your head up and things will get better soon. I'm sure that is tough to hear and you're so tired of people saying it to you but its true...things happen on the Lord's time and you just need to have faith in that. You are an amazing person and an exceptional mom. Your boys are so lucky to have you and soon you will get the chance to expand your cute little fam, I have no doubt. Until that blessed day when the Clomid stops and the real "pains of pregnancy" begin, I'll be thinking about you and praying for you. Keep your head up, pour yourself another Diet Pepsi and have a few pieces of chocolate...that always seems to help me. Love you!
Love you Amy!
Mom
I love you Amy! You are an amazing friend and mom. You are so lucky to have 2 beautiful boys! I know things will work out, we are all tested in so many different ways! Lets get a diet Pepsi this week :)
You are such an amazing person. I had no idea that it has been this difficult for you this time around. I will be praying for you!
Post a Comment